When I was told in the hospital and was told that I had MS, I wasn't to shocked. It has been a rough year, since January. So many wierd things that my body was experiencing off and on since I got sick in January. After the Neruologist and nurses explained to me what symptoms I might experience I smiled and was grateful that I had no clue what they were talking about. After I got home and the spinal headache finally went away, the numbness and tingling started. It seems like everything they had told me about had started to show itself. The ability at times to walk was gone. My balance was very compromised and home is where I stayed as I knew I could manage my way around the house and feel safe to not fall, and have things to hold onto. Such an out of body expierence, really. I didn't realize how much I took my body for granted. Simple things for a few weeks were impossible. So this week, I have this NEW thing numbness/tingling that seems to be my new friend; my leg, my arm, my other leg....crazy. It comes and goes but never really leaves. I am hoping that this is part of the recovery form the inflamation in my brian, or the new lesions formed and will cease soon. Whatever the case, this NEW thing cannot be returned! Unfortunatly it is here to stay, hopefully it will make its way to the closet and hang unoticed for a while; so I can properly take care of my family like I used to do.
Lessons we are to learn...Why? I cried all the way home from the hospital. The closer I got the harder the tears fell. How was I supposed to take care of five little children, when I couldn't take care of myself. For the first time in my life I was scared. I had no idea how to do what needed to be done. I couldn't even hold up my head without pain. A few days before the hospital Kevin gave me a blessing, and I remember he clearly said, you have to rely on you parents, your brothers and sisters, your friends and your ward to get through this. I cannot believe how my family and friends have stepped in and took over when I couldn't take even take care of myself.
Even now, I can't make it thorugh a day the same. It is harder than I could have imagined. My will to do all that my family needs is stopped by my body. It physically can't do what I need it to. It is crazy and hard. Yet, the Lord outs angels in my path everyday. My friend has taken my kids to and from school everyday, amazing and without question. My friend came over and spent a few hours cleaning my house, doing my dishes, getting the kids to pick up the house...such love and such service. No questions asked, no judgements placed. I am so blessed. So blessed!
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